My old webhost had been great for years, but suddenly started flaking out about a month ago. They disabled my email account, saying I was “getting too much spam”, but turned it back on when I complained. Then I was only getting spam while friends’ emails bounced. Next the webserver started going up and down and random intervals. Finally, poor Sunshocked was down for the count. I kept waiting for it to come back up in 20 minutes. Nope. Maybe they were pissed at me or something.

It was definitely time to get a new webhost. So I did what any logical person would do in this situation, opened a terminal window and busted out dig.

% dig simplebits.com +nssearch
SOA ns1.dreamhost.com. hostmaster.dreamhost.com.

% dig subtraction.com +nssearch
SOA ns1.dreamhost.com. hostmaster.dreamhost.com.

% dig jasonsantamaria.com +nssearch
SOA ns1.dreamhost.com. hostmaster.dreamhost.com.

Interesting. Dan Cederholm (SimpleBits), Khoi Vinh (Subtraction), and Jason Santa Maria are People Who Know What They’re Doing^TM, so I thought maybe I should check out this “DreamHost”. Though to be honest, I also dug AListApart.com, 43Folders.com, Tantek.com, and Kottke.org and got four other webhosts…

Here are some amazingly great things about DreamHost.

Their basic plan, which they call “Crazy Domain Insane!” is only $7.95 a month for 200GB of space and 3TB of bandwidth! That is insane. And it goes up a little bit every week you host with them. In every category where other webhosts have numbers less than 10 (domains, database connections, ssh accounts, you name it), DreamHost lists “unlimited”. RubyOnRails? Standard. One-click WordPress? Standard. Quicktime streaming? Standard. WebDAV? Standard.

Even better, they are employee owned, not some huge faceless company. In fact, the faces are completely accessible on the employee profile page. Their blog, while not quite Buffy the Vampire Slayer, is entertaining and worth reading. Finally, they provide matching funds for donations to rotating charities (for Day Against DRM it was Defective By Design) where all you have to do is click a button in the account management panel as you pay your hosting bill.

I went ahead and paid far in advance for my hosting, because these folks seem unbeatable. Still, if I’m unhappy, the get-your-money-back period is a uncharacteristically prime 97 days.

No, I’m not getting paid to say any of this. I tend to get beat up and thrown around by webhosting companies so hopefully, I’m not just in the Honeymoon Phase of another bad relationship. Cross your fingers.

The warning signs were visible before I even ran into problems with tech support. I took out the cable modem and got it running pretty quickly. I didn’t even need to install all of the fancy Flash demos from the “Manual” CD. However, I was immediately given pause by the curiously labelled button “Internet On/Off”. This could get me in real trouble. What if my cat accidentally bumped it right in the middle of a Japanese professor publishing his important findings on cancer research! And I would be getting calls all day long from kids trying to upload pictures of their boobs/biceps (or both) on MySpace, “Stan! Did you turn off the internet again?”

Exhibit 1: A very dangerous button.

The next major flag was when I put in the installation CD. Not only does it tell me to turn off all firewalls, anti-virus software, and poke holes in all my condoms… it then has the audacity to not let me actually install anything unless I do it using Internet Explorer. Even Microsoft tells Mac users to just use Safari instead. I, very reluctantly, click “yes” to continue. The installer then asks me for my administrator password. “Why?” I ask. “I just wanted to change your internet settings,” it says. “Can’t you just tell me what they should be?” I ask. “No, it’s really better if I do it myself,” it replies. I type in my password.

It gives me an error and quits.

Exhibit 2: Please drink poison before continuing this installation.

At this point I ask my roommate if it looks like I’m doing anything retarded. She confirms my sanity, so we engage in a lively text chat with Comcast’s finest. His advice… Turn off the modem and turn it back on 5 minutes later. I do that. Same error. I fire up the Mac’s diagnostic software and see that the installer keeps resetting the network settings to something ridiculous. I set it to DHCP by hand. Now every website redirects to Comcast. I consider this progress.

We text chat with another technician. His advice… Do you have Flash? Seriously. I am trying to install a modem and he asks me about Flash. “Flash?” I ask, “Like, the plug-in?” “Make sure you have version 9,” he offers. “How exactly will that prevent Comcast from rerouting all of my HTTP requests to your website? I don’t think that’s the problem.” “You can see the Comcast website?” “I just told you that.” “Oh, then just click on the installation link at the bottom of the page.” “Fine.” No, I was not actually that snippy.

I do. It downloads and installs the same damn thing that came on the CD. I am back to square one. I switch over the ADSL and surf around a bit. I learn about “Walled Gardens” and “Modem Provisioning”. I get educated. I decide to call back and tell them that the problem is that their installer is not sending the MAC address for my modem and that they need to add me by hand. This solution is made possible by people other than Comcast publishing information about Comcast’s network. It scares me completely that if network neutrality isn’t made law that I could be completely prevented from accessing sites Comcast considers offering information to “hackers” or something.

Exhibit 3: Yes, the majesty of the Comcast High-Speed Internet

I wish this story had a happy ending. When I called Comcast again, I got a very friendly woman who, unfortunately, couldn’t do much more for me than fill out an Escalation Ticket. “It’s too bad you can’t just flip it on for me,” I say. “Well, we could a month ago, but that privilege has since been removed. Honestly, we’re kind of frustrated about it.” “Me, too.”

The final dystopian vision came while I was flipping through the Comcast brochure while on hold. It is entitled “A fast look at all you can do with your new Comcast High-Speed Internet service” and is filled with popular internet destinations like: Comcast PhotoCenter, Disney Connection, The Fan (which lets me watch “clips”!), and Rhapsody^TM. No mention of Flickr, Homestar Runner, YouTube, or Last.fm. No, sir. Why would anyone want any of those when we’ve got all the Comcast approved services… that would inevitably run faster than their more diverse counterparts if Comcast gets their way?